A recent study of 365 young people from 12 to 15 years of age calls into question the effectiveness of abstinence only sex education programs. The weakness of abstinence only sex education was said to be their sponsors’ failure to understand the impact of so-called “sex intention” on “abstinence intention” in the sexual decision making of adolescents. That is, young people may intend to be abstinent, but when their intentions to have sex are stronger than their intentions to be abstinent, their intnetions to have sex prevails.
My criticism of this study is that it draws these conclusions based on abstinence only programs taught in public schools. In the first place, by the time children enter Jr. High School most of them have sexually responded to stimuli that have no connection with marriage. Their approach to sex is secular and undisciplined by any idea that sex is sacred. So, their sexual history has already created appetites that neutralize their intentions to reserve sex for marriage
These programs stress abstinence as a means of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Although these are valid reasons for being abstinent prior to marriage they lack the moral incentive involved when sexual orgasm is linked inthe child’s brain with the fantasy of growing up and getting married and the reality of marriage after they are married.
By the time children have taken sex education classes in public schools most of them have participated in childhood sexual games; and many. if not most, have been exposed to other intensely arousing sexual stimuli (pornography, TV sitcoms and movies). So, sexual excitement has not been paired exclusively in their bain chemistry with the idea of marriage. Once there is a history of orgasm neurologically paired with non-marital stimuli the neuro chemistry of that history must be overcome if the young person is going to confine sexual fantasy to the idea of marriage before they are married and the reality of marriage after they are married. When orgasm becomes the only goal in sexual experience the brain is trained to respond to an almost endless variety of sexual stimuli. ThIs is why I have often said that promiscuity is a hiabit that marriage seldom breaks.
So, if parents want their children to practice abstinence until they are married, the experience of genital pleasure and marriage must be linked in the child’s brain when they are very young. How young? As soon as the child can talk wise parents will begin to teach them, “Honey, when you have pleasant feelings in your genitals this is God’s way of helping you look forward to growing up and getting married. The feelings are good, and they are okay. Just remember when you have them to think about marriage. By doing this, you can learn how to keep yourself sexually for the person you will marry even though you won’t know who they are for a long time. One more thing, when you have these feelings and you want to enjoy them, be sure you are alone. We don’t touch our genitals in front of other people, this is why our genitals are sometimes called our privates. Remember, we don’t share our genitals with anyone until we are grown and married, but as long as you are thinking about marriage the feelings are okay.”
The importance of beginning this link between sexual pleasure and marriage is stressed in my book, “Teaching Your Children the Truth about Sex.” As the child grows older this dialogue will need to be changed. Examples of conversations that are appropriate at various developmental levels also are modeled in my book. If you are interested in the book, you may purchase it from: www.teachingthetruthaboutsex.com or from my other website: www.drdobbins.com.
